I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
