So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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