You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
