So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
