Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
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