HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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