I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
