so let's talk penis.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
