Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
