honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
