Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
