Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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