If that was your dad, he is hot
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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