Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
