Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
