It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
