he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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