We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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