Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
