Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
false alarm, still single
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
