Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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