why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
