dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didn't notice because vodka
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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