I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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