So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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