omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
