she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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