whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
