If i could tip my vagina, i would.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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