I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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