i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
