Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
