So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
