Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
