i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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