my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
