I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
