You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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