i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
