Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
