then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
