As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are a genius and a whore.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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