i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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