Screwed.edu
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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