So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
