My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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