everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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