Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A+ Viking dick
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