I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
