you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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