At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize