So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
