I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
