i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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