I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the day after is always just damage control
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
