she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
