i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
