Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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