He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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