i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
