I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
