..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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