guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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