I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
