I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
