Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
